Ageing parents and a helpless son…

I write this blog with a couple of new grey hair strands on my head and a shade of a wrinkle on my chin….NO , hang on I am just exaggerating !!

I know I have been really bad with my timings and that the time gap between this one and the last post could have easily been mistaken as my retirement from this habit !!

I d have to get a little personal over this one cause over the last couple of months, I have had to play the role of a SON and to my horror (I wish I could underplay this by saying Surprise!) I discovered that either I aint good at it or It aint that easy !!

My father suffered a cardiac arrest (He s fine now!!) and when the news was broken out to me I found my jaws shaking and the words not popping out of my mouth. It took me sometime to rationalize what I had heard, I was a little dazed and out of control…I was horrified !!!

Suddenly I realized, I stay in a diff city, 2500 kms away from my parents, I am their only SON, their lone support, the purpose of their life and most importantly that they are now growing OLD and that they need ME with them!!

My brother (cousin) was on call as he was trying to fabricate the news of my fathers heart attack (guess, to reduce its impact on me!!). Am not questioning his attempt but I must confess that post the telephonic hearing of appx 5 mins I grew up in life to understand something what I had not understood in my 22 years of existence.

I hung up drawing the conclusion that they have grown OLD!!

It was scary to declare it, It was sad and I needed to be Bold, but the reality was that they had past their prime…They d need a support to walk, a trip to the doc every month, pills to gulp during b’fasts and dinner and most importantly their child with them at home !!

Things now needed a transition and that is where I have failed.

I have been far too busy in my world, doing things that I have always wanted, knowingly using my parents as a means to achieve my acquisitive desires. They have been utterly selfless and committed and the thought that this exhaustion for my sake, tirelessly for the last 22 years was probably the cause of the phone call that night made me feel even more ashamed!!

It took me so long to realize that how much I lacked in gratitude and it took something as big as a cardiac arrest (suffered by my father) to help me discover the SON within me.

Reactions post the call were impulsive and involved minimal thought. Within minutes I found myself to be on the first flight back home and I could gasp for breath only when I saw father lying on the hospital bed calm and composed – sick and weak alright!!

The sigh of relief and an affectionate smile on the sight of his son conveyed all the message and I knew that he now needs me and my attention through out, I knew that he had done enough to feed me and I had to get rid of the glutton within myself to have selflessly sucked everything out from him, to have left him all tired, fatigued and worn out.

However, as I now in hindsight act upon these new recognitions of mine, I feel helpless!!

My father refuses my offer of earning the family’s money and allowing me to break the bread!!

He declines to retire from his occupation and refuses to accept the fact that now he lacks the strength to carry our (me and mother) burden anymore. He refuses to take care of himself and I have rested myself in peace thinking that to relinquish everything that he has owned and acquired in life would take some thinking and more time from him.

I also fail to convince him that his dependency on me would in fact not be a burden rather an opportunity for me to showcase my gratitude. I have been yearning for acquiring this responsibility and it’s a little disappointing that I still await my turn for some more time to come.

My father, being an independent man, defying all sufferings and earning reputation and prosperity out of scarce resources, means and belongings - it will take some time before I could convince him to give away everything and live an ascetic life depending on his SON.

I know it would give a beating to his EGO, but I also know that he is getting OLD.

The days to come should answer as to how both the Son and the Father deal with things to come. The only resolution is that one of us would have to compromise and I shall pray till eternity that it would be the elder one who’d do that.

I shall term myself to be a failure as a son if I couldn convince the old man that he has a double chin on his face not to mention that the wrinkles have multiplicated and that he must consider his son to be capable enough for him to peacefully retire!!


Signing off!!